his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
