i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I want her autograph on my taint
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
