She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
