Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
