Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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