if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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