mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have post one night stand depression
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
