I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
birth control should be required to get into college
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
