He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
