Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
