Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
