I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
