Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
