He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
