May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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