He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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