I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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