I'm gonna have a badass scar
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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