does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize