If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
