whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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