And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
foreskin is a definite game changer
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize