You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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