woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
