I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
