Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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