I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
