There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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