the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
