you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drunk is not a location!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
