he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
