I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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