It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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