you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
