what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
