I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
