im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
