I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
