DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
