do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
