I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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