just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
