Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
