How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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