Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
