ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
