When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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