Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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