I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
two words...techno handjob
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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