Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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