remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
