Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
