It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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