Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
