I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
