its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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