Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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