he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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