highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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