I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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