So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
