ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
