just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
