oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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