I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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