you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
